My First Baby

June 8th. Today would have been my dog Cooper’s 14^th birthday, if she hadn’t passed away last October. It’s taken me a long time to adjust to her absence, and even though I still miss her every day and often marvel at my ability to exist without her, I am so grateful for the experience of knowing and loving her.

I realize caring for dogs and parenting children are a wee bit different- notably, it is not uncommon to leave a dog at home in a crate for several hours (!!!) - but as my designated “first baby,” Cooper definitely taught me a thing or two about parenting. She arrived at my feet a wee 8 weeks old, but full of fire. To my amazement and occasional chagrin, she stayed that way right through to the end.

Here are my Top Five parenting lessons, courtesy of this very special black-and-white dog:

1.     Don’t be scared of the baby.

Babies can make some crazy noises and scrunch up their faces like little devils. They present alarming surprises like projectile vomit and biting. But the last thing you should do is be scared of them- most likely, they are not actual devils. You can move in with your size and good sense and win them over- I suggest bringing persistence and cookies.

2.     It’s not about you anymore.

The baby doesn’t really care about your needs. Not yet anyway- when they get older they start to care a little. But when they are babies, all they care about is themselves. They have many needs and no quick way to tell you exactly what’s up at any given moment. How frustrating for them! You must tune into the baby and always ask yourself- does the baby have what it needs? Food? Potty? An opportunity to blow off steam? Only when you can answer with a resounding Yes can you relax and think about yourself for a minute. But don’t get too comfortable, because there’s another need right on the heels of the first one. And the second one. And so on. Baby = #1. You = #2. Always.

3.     Damn, you have to be consistent.

I usually rebel against consistency- it’s super boring! But babies need it pretty badly. They need to eat and sleep at pretty much the same times every day, and if you say no- you better mean it. If you have even a sliver of doubt about saying No, the baby will discover and exploit that sliver. They are cute little suckers, too, and they know it. Be strong.

4.     If you are losing patience, take a break.

You don’t set out as a parent with the intention of screaming obscenities as you throw things across the room in a spray of your own sweat. But parenting can take you there, on the express train. You must recognize when The Crazy is coming and pause ahead of its arrival. Pass the baby to someone else, or just close the door for a few minutes. Regroup, reflect, and try again. It’s better for everyone!

5.     Love makes it all worthwhile.

Parenting a baby is a ton of work- don’t let anyone tell you different. You lose sleep, you get poop on your hands, you try things that don’t work, and sometimes it seems like absolutely nothing can go right. Especially when the baby chews on your brand new shoes and gets the runs for a week.  But at the end of a long day, when the baby falls asleep in your arms and starts snoring, and then nuzzles in a little closer, you are sure you will do it all over again.

Thanks for the good lessons, Cooper. I can’t wait to tell the baby all about you.