The Letter

It's really hard to write this "Dear Birthmom" letter without reflecting on the actual quality of my life, as opposed to the quality I am projecting in it. Of course, it's expected I might embellish a little, and certainly expected that I would strategically omit information. For example, when I say our families "can't wait" to welcome our child, I know this will be true even if it isn't now. And I will definitely choose to omit my growing awareness that we live near an overdue California faultline.

But this letter turns out to feel a little like a report card. Just how well balanced is my life? Do I have all the right ingredients? Mature, loving relationship, safe home, interesting work, supportive friends and family, hobbies and interests, well-behaved pets and a natural inclination to parent a child?

Holy crap! I've passed a lot of tests in my life, but this one feels just a little less trivial than I hoped.

The template we were provided turns out to be more science than art, with the elements carefully structured:

1. Appropriate welcome note: requires just the right tone- understanding, but not condescending. And be careful, don't call her Birthmom because she isn't one yet.

2. Background on your relationship: nice if there's a quirky twist, but not too quirky- we need to stay pretty G-rated here. And of course there's a foundation of friendship (there better be, anyway), and strong values to pass along to a child.

3. Each wife talks about the other: this part is pretty cute, a little bit Newlywed Game, even. "She's so great, will make an amazing mom, I love her because..."

4. Talk about your home, and your interests, and of course your families: No pressure, but everything needs to be pretty awesome.

5. The future: you can't wait to share your life with a child, and welcome the chance to build a relationship with Birthmom (reminder: don't call her that), even though you haven't met her yet and you are a wee bit worried she's addicted to meth and will set your house on fire.

Exactly how happy is my family to welcome an adopted child into the fold? Does our home really offer all the things we would want for a child? And just how ready are we to even do this?

This exact point in time brings me to start this other letter- a blog letter- to you, dear anticipated reader. Because what I know for sure is that I can't wait to be a Mom, and I think it's probably a good idea (and quite human, as it turns out) to share my vulnerabilities as I travel this quite modern path of becoming a parent. Especially since the less-than-modern approaches simply didn't work out. But more on that later.

Alongside the demands to be certain and strong, forging ahead with mountains of paperwork, awkward conversations, and pure gumption to continue, I reflect on faith that yes- just as the adoption agency has told us- there is a 100% chance we will find our child on this journey.