Forgive me now, friend, if you’ve asked me how it’s been going with the adoption. I ask forgiveness because my answer was probably incomplete. Probably, I said something like, “Oh, fine. You know, waiting.” “Have you gotten any interest?” “Nope, not yet.”
The truth is we did have a nibble; a teeny, tiny nibble.
Today, January 8th, is the due date for a particular baby boy and for a short time, there seemed a possibility he would come home with us.
They warned us about the roller coaster, and the heavy emotions, and the uncertainty. They did! I remember! But it doesn’t really matter once you are creeping up that slope, anticipating the drop, and then suddenly your stomach is 20 feet behind you as your body gets whipped around and everything goes upside-down.
The story goes something like this…
An acquaintance in our network, let’s call her our Informant, mentioned casually she knew someone who was pregnant and planning to place her baby for adoption. The family was really accepting so would be open to a lesbian couple adopting, but Birthmom was likely planning a closed adoption, because she didn’t want to have any involvement. “It would be perfect!” cheered our Informant, “if only it wasn’t a closed adoption.” We forgot about this “opportunity” almost as soon as it came up, since it didn’t appear to be an opportunity at all.
But a week later, our Informant left a voicemail and said there might be a possibility of open adoption. She hesitated, and asked if we would be ok if Grandma (birthmom’s mom) wanted to be involved. As it turns out, we were more than ok- this is exactly why we chose open adoption. Despite the challenges it will surely bring, it seems more grounding for the child to have some connection to the birth family. But back to the moment we listened to the voicemail…OMG!
So D called the next day, got more information, and agreed to bring a copy of our letter for Grandma. You see, there’s no direct connection to Birthmom, only Grandma. Tricky, right? As excited as we were to consider this possibility, we tried really hard to keep our feet firmly planted on the ground.
Some time passed, and I watched the Batphone carefully. Checked my email. Called the agency and got some advice about next steps. Daydreamed and cried a little. Listened to the silence.
We’ve learned each of these situations carries its own unique risks, based on the dynamics of the family. For this situation, the biggest risk seemed to be that Birthmom would choose a closed adoption, since that was her original preference. We checked in with our Informant several times, and she kindly apologized that she didn’t have any updates but would check back and let us know. And each day that passed seemed to support the inevitable outcome. Once Christmas came, and we hadn’t heard anything, it started to sink in that the opportunity had probably passed us by. Then New Year’s Eve. Then New Year’s Day. And here we are, January 8th…nothing.
So, are we devastated? Fragile and weary? Not sure we can go on? Actually, no. The experience is the exact opposite. More than any other endeavor in my life, I feel this one is divine. I am sure this situation will unfold exactly the way it’s supposed to, and the little being intended for our family will find its way to us no matter what. I totally trust that, more than I trust myself. And hey- first bite after just a few weeks of circulation? Not bad!
And all along, it honestly felt like the outcome would bring good news either way. I mean, if we had been selected, so much obvious good news – He’s here! Our baby! And can you believe how fast? But not being selected also brings good news- we have a little more time to continue our preparations- after all January 8th would have been pretty fast! I can still go to Miami for an important work meeting. D can continue her massage studies. And we can save a little more money. See? Good news!
And when I head to bed tonight, quieting my mind and preparing for deep rest, I will be comforted in knowing that somewhere, a family that had been waiting for their baby finally got to bring him home. Now that’s good news!
